Pet Cobra

Blogger sucks.

Monday, March 21, 2005

So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish

Well, Blogger, it's been real. I'm firing up Pet Cobra 2.0, thanks to TypePad, which I'm loving already. Here's the NEW ADDRESS:

Please go there. And if you have me linked on your sites, you'll get all the hetero man-love I can muster by changing the olde addresse to the new one above.

Are you still here? Go!

Pet Cobra 2.0

To quote an estimable Sailor Man: "I've had all I can stands - I can't stands no more!" On a whim I changed the template in a desparate attempt to get back my links, archives, and profile. As you can see, no luck. Blogger. I curse you. I cuuuuuuuuuuuuurse you.

I'm figuring out my course of action for Pet Cobra 2.0. I'm leaning heavily towards TypePad; since I'm HTML illiterate, I don't think I can whip up a "from-scratch" version of this blog, as much as I'd dearly like to. So whatever happens, I'll let you all know my new address when it's up and running. There's lots I'd like to do - new layout, graphics, categories, all that good stuff. I'd appreciate suggestions on the best way to make this happen!

Meanwhile, had a relaxing weekend, spending most of yesterday at the beach. The surf was unspeakable, mixed up and blown out, so no regrets there. There's apparently a Sunday game of touch rugby on the Del Mar shores; we're out of town next weekend but I'm planning on checking it out the weekend following.

This morning I get to roll up the sleeves and go man-a-mano with the boss over my pay situation. Wish me luck.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Hang 20 Posted by Hello

Saturday, March 19, 2005

My Relationship Is On The Rocks

Blogger, we need to talk.

First, and I know this is shallow - you're, well, ordinary. I admit it - I find myself gazing longingly at other people's blogs. Wondering what it must be like to have a catchy logo, or to know the thrill of posting pictures without using Hello. Top ten lists. What I'm Reading. Yes, Blogger, you have a great personality, but physically, you just don't do it for me anymore.

And I feel like I don't even know who you are. Blogger Buzz? You've changed, and not in a good way.

But most of all, you're not there for me when I need you. It's been two days since I called you for help. And how do you respond? You direct me to Blogger Buzz.

It's not you, Blogger. It's me. I'm just not into you anymore. I think I need to see another host.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Happy Fucking Friday

Ugh. Like the new look of Pet Cobra? I guess I'm not alone in my Blogger woes. Oh well. You get what you pay for. Hopefully things will be fixed by Monday. On tap for the weekend - rain. Should be starting any minute. Which means I'll be stuck in the house, obsessing over my current work predicament. Have a good weekend, all, and send good thoughts my way.

Oh, and I watched Napoleon Dynamite last night. I don't get it.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Bend Over, Drop Your Pants, and Spread 'Em

So I got my Official Offer Letter today, the one that I was so excited to receive (based on the title of this entry, and the preceding sentence, those of you who've taken Literature 101 should be able to recognize Ironic Foreshadowing).

Long story short - I did the math. The salary numbers on the offer letter added up to several thousand dollars LESS THAN WHAT I AM CURRENTLY MAKING AS A CONTRACTOR.

Tuesday my boss told me that I would not be making MORE than what I was drawing in take-home. Well, technically, it seems she was correct.

Now, my boss had to up and leave for Virginia this morning to deal with a crisis at one of our offices there. She will not be back until Monday, my deadline for signing and accepting that offer. So I emailed her the following: " In our conversation you stated that my salary would not increase, and I had no expectation that it would. However, my current salary is $_/hour, translating to $______annualized based on 2080 hours worked. As stated in the letter, my annual salary would decrease to $_______. To be honest, I was surprised at this, as in my experience I've never seen a reduction in take-home pay with candidates converting into a full-time regular position. Is this something that we can discuss when you have a moment?"

Now, I'm currently making $3,000 or so less than my predecesor, who was himself a fulltime employee with full benefits. What I was offered is close to $10,000 less than what he was making. That is UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE.

I'm actually at a loss for words right now. Well, other than goddamnmotherfuckingassholepieceofshit.

Top 'O The Mornin' To Ya

Sure 'an begorah, I'm tired as fuck. (My Colin Farrell impersonation.) )

Lucas woke up shrieking at midnight, and cried nonstop until 1:00. We couldn't figure out what was wrong. Tried everything - diaper change, water, rocking, singing, reciting his favorite bedtime story. Of the numerous Horrible Feelings that come with being a parent, that ranks up at the top - your child is very, very upset, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

But there's a flip side, as always - he woke up this morning laughing and happy. Must be the smidgen of Irish blood (courtesy of me nana)in him.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Highs and Lows

The good part: getting to spend the day with Lucas. We had breakfast and watched rugby, then went to Sea World for the afternoon. It was a lovely spring day, sunny and warm, and we had a blast. No pictures, as I'll keep the day in my mind forever. This is a sad fact: I won't get too many days like this, just me and him, and today was one to be cherished.

The bad part: a while back, Lucas figured out how to open up the disc tray on the Xbox. He did so this evening, and decided to lean on the open tray with all of his weight, and in doing so busted it. I can buy a new one for what it'll cost to fix. So a milestone - the first expensive item to fall victim to our inquisitive kid. (Silver lining - not buying EA Sports Rugby 2005 WAS the wise move...)

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

My Thing With Money

I got the greenlight to buy EA Sports Rugby 2005. This is HUGE. I get to BUY AN XBOX GAME WITH MY WIFE'S BLESSING. It's a reward for the good news yesterday.

So I'm at Best Buy today, and I have the game in hand, and I'm about to buy it...and then I pause. It's $40. Not a lot of money. Then the overthinking starts. The game will be on sale within weeks because rugby is a fringe sport and there probably isn't a big market for it. Then I start thinking of what else that $40 can go towards; I need new everything (shoes, shirts, shorts, underwear socks, contacts...). Then I start feeling guilty - we don't a home...we need a new car...we have a child to support. So I put the game back and head out. Whew! That was a close one! No Debtor's Prison for me! Lucas will be able to go to college! We won't have to sell Mick to the Vivisection Lab!

Monday, March 14, 2005

The Yang to The Foul Chicken/ No Depth Perception Yin

Effective next Monday, I'm no longer a Contract Recruiter. I'll be a Full Time Regular Employee. Thus - paid time off, and a nice increase in our monthly income because we no longer have to pay for ex-fucking-spensive insurance.

YERP!!!!!!!! (New joyful interjection, copyright 2005 by Jason S. Avant.)

My Fear Factor Lunch

Petit Bistro, University Towne Center. Ordered the "Bistro Chicken Caesar Salad". This is a caesar salad with a mound of teriyaki chicken on top. Correction. It's a room-temperature caesar salad with a mound of fatty lukewarm pieces of cut-up chicken thigh, drowned in teriyaki sauce. Addendum: Poorly cut-up pieces of chicken thigh, the indicator being the wet CRRRRRUNCH resulting from biting into several pieces of chicken thigh that still had bits of joint cartilege attached.

It is Monday, and I Am Wearing Glasses

My left contact is encrusted with fossilized eyesnot. Thus I am wearing my glasses today. Plus side: I can now see out of my left eye. Minus side: I have no depth perception. My apologies to the mountain biker I ran over on the drive to work. Put some Bactine on that leg; it'll be fine.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Dry Land Practice

We went to the Shores today for a picnic with our friends Barb and Brian. No surf to speak of, but clearly the surfing gene runs strong in my family.

Nature or nurture? Posted by Hello

Saturday, March 12, 2005

The Surf Report for Saturday, March 12

No bad days. Even though conditions were poor - low tide, 2-3 foot closeouts, and the usual crowd at the Shores - it was great to finally paddle out. Spent most of my time sitting on the board, waiting for sets that never came. Waves caught: two (no picturesque descriptions of my rides - there's not a lot of verbage that be squeezed from the 30 or so seconds I actually spent surfing). Moment of the morning: witnessing a near collision between a 10 foot longboard and a stupid lady who thought that swimming - no, BACKSTROKING - amongst 60 odd surfers would be a good idea. Water Safety Tip for you beach novices - getting hit in the head with a large fiberglass torpedo is never fun.

La Jolla Shores - good from far... Posted by Hello

...far from good. Posted by Hello

Friday, March 11, 2005

Major heart attack on the drive home yesterday that I failed to mention. The Blackberry told me I had an email; I was at a red light so I took a glance. Email was from my boss. Subject line: Blogging. JesusharoldchristIamsototallyfired, I thought.

Nope. My boss had read an article about recruiters setting up recruiting blogs on their company websites; I had read the same article and discussing that with her was on my "to do" list. Her email was about that article, and if I thought that would be a good idea for my company. Sent her a reply today that yes, it's a branding concept that a number of companies are putting into play and that I'd be interested in doing it. (Listen to me. Branding concept. That's rich.)

I'm actually excited about the weekend. No rain. No plans. Only one thing on my mind.


I am waking my ass up and doing the Dawn Patrol. Visions of peeling lefts and morning glass and the dorsal fins of distant dolphins dance in my head.




I Am Confident Enough In My Manhood To Freely Admit The Following...

Last night, I watched the "Star Wars: Episode III" trailer. Then I rewound it and watched it again. Then I watched it one more time. Then I told my dog that the movie looks like it's going to kick ass.

Thursday, March 10, 2005


FINALLY! Been trying to post and comment all day. Oh well. You get what you pay for. I'm a bit surprised at how bummed I was that Blogger was on the fritz. I mean - what the hell am I supposed to DO all day? Work?

An unexpected bonus of blogging: getting to learn about and chat with people from all points on the map. I get to experience Chris', aka Rude Cactus, sheer joy at seeing Lima Bean's image on a sonogram and the rush ofemotion that comes when you realize that the picture is your little daughter. (Go read his post from yesterday, and bring a Kleenex; I'm a crass punk, and even I got a little veklempt). I get to live vicariously through Whiffleboy, Surfsister and Beachgirl; people who I'd love to meet in the lineup some day (not to worry, guys: I won't become another buoy at Sunset, but if you're ever up for a surf trip to San Diego let me know). I find out that Hib-Gib and I have had similar adventures in the High Desert and share an abiding love for the glory that is Lynda Carter. I get to keep it real with Stacy and Libby, who remind me of all the things I love about Beth, and who therefore are married to very lucky guys indeed.

It's a cool place, this virtual neighborhood, inhabited by people who are a pleasure to know.

LUCAS MELTDOWN UPDATE: Tooth Number Six poked through. Mystery solved. Absolute Pleasure In Life #6: Lucas waking up laughing in the morning.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Goddammit, I am now an Amazing Race Fan

The LAST thing I need in my life is a new TV show. I was happy. Fulfilled, even. I had my TV Oasis - Lost, Alias, Smallville, The West Wing - and now Deadwood is back. I DON'T EVEN LIKE REALITY SHOWS. Survivor: Palau sucks ass. Literally. I watch it, and ten minutes into an ep all I want to do is drop trou and press my ass against the screen. I think even Jeff Probst agress with me at this point. I keep waiting for him to gather everyone in both tribes together at Council and say "Immunity - NOT up for grabs. For any of you. You all can suck my ass." Then he pours gasoline on all of them and hits them all with a lit torch.

Deep breath. Anyhoo. The Amazing Race. I like it. Maybe it's because they go to some cool places that I'd love to see but sadly never will. Maybe it's because it's always fun to watch Americans reinforcing foreign opinion that we're all a bunch of uncultured jackasses. Maybe it's because Survivor All-Stars Boston Rob and AMBUH (She With The Smokin' Ass) were stunt-cast and thus far are the dominant force in the Race. Anyway, the show rocks. People, what are your thoughts? Are you watching? Are you all about B-Rob and AMBUH? Are you now fired up to go visit Peru and chew on coca leaves? Give me your thoughts.

The Coronado Bay Bridge. Pretty cool. I stole the pic. Posted by Hello


This is what happened: last night, Beth had a doctor's appointment at 6:00. So it was me and Lucas. Nothing to do except feed him and wait for Beth to get home. Piece of cake.

It started with his new trick. His shriek. He's in his high chair, sitting behind a pile of his mixed veggies (he loves them, especially the lima beans. We count our blessings.), and the shriek begins. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I give him a sippy cup with milk. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I give him a sippy cup with water. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I pick out a couple of lima beans and offer those up. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Then the Hysterical Crying starts in earnest. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I pick him up. I being my Mantra: "Shhh. It's OK. Shhhh. It's OK. Shhh. It's OK". Mick is pacing around nervously which does not help; I order him out outside and he gratefully complies. I take Lucas back to his room to check his diaper. Clear. Hysterical Crying continues. I check my watch. 6:10. Flailing Madly is now accompanying Hysterical Crying. Mantra continues. Sweat beads on my forehead. I put him back in the high chair. He kicks the Hysterical Crying up a notch. I am now heating up his dinner (Turkey Stew, which he loves). It's the Longest Thirty Seconds Of My Life. Finally, the Turkey Stew is done. I dash over to the high chair and start feeding him.

This does the trick. Calm returns.

Lucas has had a bit of a cold, and is out of sorts. Poor little guy. You feel so bad for them when they are that upset, and they can't tell you why. Good thing there's Turkey Stew and a post-dinner game of Bounce The Ball to make the world right again.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Why We Need New Surfboards, and What We Will Do To Get Them

It's always a bad, bad thing when I find a new local shaper who doesn't charge $1000 or more for a custom longboard. It gets the wheels turning, as it did yesterday when I took a look at Ody's website (linked on The Surf and The Fury). Ody makes boards out of his shop in Cardiff, just up the road from where we live.

Now, the non-surfers, even those close to us (friends, relatives, spouses, significant others), always ask the same question. "You already HAVE a surfboard. Why do you want another one?"

It's actually not a matter of "want"; it's a matter of "need". Our sport's playing field is an inconsistant one. Wave size and power, of course, varies from day to day, and from season to season. My board, for example, is perfect for chest-high to overhead surf; a performance longboard, it's got a narrow tail, a bit more rocker (curvier, for the layperson), and side fins for added speed and manueverability. It's great for the bigger, heavier days of winter. When summer rolls around, though, and the waves get smaller, my board is more often a source of frustration. In short, I need a longer, flatter ride. Ideally, a 9'6" singlefin.

So I tested the waters yesterday. I mae an IM comment to Beth about the cheap shaper. Her response - if she has a "great" b-day, a new board may be on the bargaining table. So I asked the question that surfing husbands around the world ask in the hopes of achieving surfboard reciprocity.

"How many carats?"

Monday, March 07, 2005

I need a haircut. Lucas has cake on his lips. Still, we are a couple of pimps. Posted by Hello

Cruel Experiments Performed on Young Children

Me: "I'm going to make a scary face at Lucas to see if he'll cry."

Beth: "Jesus."

Me: "GRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!" (Accompanied by scary face.)

Lucas: "Heh heh heh!" (Continues feeding vegetables to dog.)

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Sleepin' in. (Pic taken with the new toy, a Nikon Coolpix 4600. Sweet!) Posted by Hello

Friday, March 04, 2005

I Almost Forgot This...

I have a Funny Work Story! I don't think I've told one yet! Friday Bonus for you!

Think I may have mentioned that I work out of two different offices. One is about 5 miles from our place, up the hill in the middle of the Torrey Pines State Reserve. Nice, huh. I'm there on Monday, Weds., and Fri. The other is down in Mission Valley (no link - imagine a 15 mile long strip mall with a freeway running through it); I'm there on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Anyway, on Tuesday, as I'm walking out the door, I pass by a guy's office, his door is wide open, his desk faces the outer wall and he's sitting with his back to me, and I notice two things. One, he's wearing a yarmulke (for you goys and shiksas out there, it's the little beanie/skullcap that Jewish guys wear on occasion). Two, he's looking at porn on his computer. Quite the dichotomy.

Enjoy the weekend.

100 Things

A time-honored tradition. Here are 100 things about me:

  1. I wear size 11 shoes.
  2. I sat in the front row at Journey’s last concert (the original lineup, that is; not the Steve Perry-less version that exists today).
  3. I stood in the front row at the Foo Fighters’ first concert, to atone for #2.
  4. I’ve been pecked in the leg by an irate emperor penguin.
  5. My ’94 Ford Ranger has, as of this writing, 90,020 miles on it and still runs well despite never having any scheduled maintenance.
  6. I can play the bass guitar and the saxophone.
  7. I’ve had a goatee, and currently have a soul patch.
  8. I’ve also had a mullet and a perm.
  9. I saw the original “Star Wars” 13 times at various movie theaters.
  10. My wife was two years old when the original “Star Wars” made its first appearance on the big screen; I was 16. Just kidding. I was 8.
  11. As I type this, I’m listening to “Wearing and Tearing” by the Mighty Led Zeppelin.
  12. I went to high school in Anchorage, Alaska.
  13. I was the editor and humor columnist for my high school newspaper.
  14. I was a frat boy in college.
  15. My fraternity nickname was “Scooby”.
  16. During the college years, I woke up the morning after passing out in the following places: on the roof of my fraternity house (not usual), the hood of my car (interesting), the middle of the old Aztec Bowl’s athletic field (SDSU alums will say “Huh. That’s pretty impressive.”)
  17. I’ve spent a day hanging out with the following people: Michelle Pfeifer, Wolfgang Puck, Howie Mandel, Dennis Quaid; Harvey Weinstein.
  18. I have two tattoos.
  19. I ride a 9’2” custom-made Craig Hollingsworth performance longboard with a three fin-box set up.
  20. I’m a certified scuba diver.
  21. I’ve bribed a Mexican cop.
  22. I went to San Diego State and got my degree in Political Science, emphasis in International Relations.
  23. Immediately after that I worked at SeaWorld for 7 years, teaching people about marine life.
  24. I met Beth there; in fact, I was her boss.
  25. I know at least one amazing animal fact that you don’t. Example: a male walrus is the only mammal that has a bone in its penis.
  26. I was a contestant on “Jeopardy”. Yes, the real “Jeopardy”. With Alex Trebek.
  27. I’ve eaten the following animals: moose, caribou, brown bear, alligator, wild boar, rabbit.
  28. I completed a solo backpacking trip around the entire rim of Yosemite Valley. (None of the aforementioned animals were consumed on that trip.)
  29. The sight of small primates (lemurs excluded) fills me with fear and revulsion.
  30. The greatest beer in the world: Dixie Blackened Voodoo.
  31. The greatest food in the world: cioppino.
  32. The greatest place to get the greatest food in the world: The Cannery Restaurant, Marina Del Rey.
  33. My Starbucks usual: a grande non-fat no-whip vanilla mocha.
  34. Skied and snowboarded; pretty well, I might add. Snowboarding is infinitely more fun.
  35. I have lived within walking distance of the Pacific Ocean since 1992.
  36. I once wanted to pursue a career in journalism.
  37. Then I went to college and changed my mind and wanted to pursue a career as a political consultant.
  38. Then I interned for a campaign and saw what careers in politics do to otherwise nice, normal human beings.
  39. Then I decided that the whole “work/career” thing was overrated.
  40. I’ve been emotionally crushed by two “girlfriends” in the pre-Beth days. Happy to say that both of them have, based on reports from mutual acquaintances, been visited by my buddy, Bad Karma.
  41. I once broke up with a girl because she wanted to sit on my lap at an SDSU football game.
  42. Speaking of games, Beth was a contestant on the New Dating Game.
  43. I want to buy a boat, a 36 foot motor cruiser that sleeps four, to be exact.
  44. Even though I’m prone to seasickness.
  45. I’ve been in a shark cage, nose to nose with an 8 foot long blue shark.
  46. I’ve gotten to swim with dolphins on a couple of occasions.
  47. I’ve gone rock climbing and slept under the stars during a visible lunar eclipse in Joshua Tree National Park.
  48. I’ve driven across both the United States and Canada.
  49. I’ve experienced both earthquakes and tornados.
  50. Damn, I’ve done some pretty cool shit, haven’t I?
  51. I’ve been to six Phish concerts.
  52. I’ve read “Gravity’s Rainbow”.
  53. I own an authentic, game-worn U.S. Eagles rugby jersey.
  54. The color of my Nissan Xterra is Smurf Blue. That is the official name given to it by Nissan, not a product of my creativity.
  55. The other two names we were thinking about for Lucas: Logan and Griffin.
  56. Before I had a kid, I wanted to buy a Harley.
  57. Now that I have a kid, I want a Nissan Quest.
  58. I’m actually a pretty damn good cook.
  59. In fact, I make the best chili I’ve ever eaten. The secret: chipotle peppers and a whole pot roast.
  60. A moose once bit my sister.
  61. I tend to reference semi-obscure movie lines (see #60).
  62. My dog, Mick, is named after a George Clinton song, not after Mick Jagger.
  63. Think about it for a second; you’ll figure out which song I’m referring to.
  64. I am comfortable going to the movies and to nice restaurants by myself.
  65. Now I’m listening to “Ball and Biscuit” by the White Stripes.
  66. I have a really, really good idea for a novel, but I’m too busy/lazy to start writing it.
  67. My dad is a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel.
  68. “Red Meat” is the funniest comic strip out there.
  69. The Onion stopped being funny last year.
  70. The Ten Commandments is the worst movie ever made.
  71. I’ve taken a fencing class.
  72. I’ve taken a karate class.
  73. I could be a ninja!
  74. I’ve run the La Jolla Half Marathon twice.
  75. So, technically, I’ve run a marathon, pausing to rest for a year.
  76. I’m comprised of the following: French, Irish, Russian, Catholic, Jewish.
  77. I own an Xbox but spend less than two hours a week playing it.
  78. I believe that Martha Stewart got off easy.
  79. I believe that Barry Bonds is a liar and a cheat who should be stripped of his records.
  80. I believe that Kobe was innocent. And that he’s a self-centered dirtbag.
  81. I believe that if a sitcom features a fat guy married to a hot woman, it will suck.
  82. It’s taken me three days to complete this list.
  83. Bugs Bunny – hilarious. Tweety – should be a steaming pile in Sylvester’s litterbox.
  84. I, for one, can’t fucking stand “Raymond”.
  85. Travel goals: Spain, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa.
  86. Favorite rock album: “Being There”, by Wilco
  87. Song that I could not get out of my head this morning: 80’s arena-rock classic “On The Loose”, by one-hit wonder band Saga.
  88. Best song to have in your head during a great surf session: “Soul Sacrifice”, live Woodstock version, by Santana.
  89. Song that’s now stuck in my head: “Soul Sacrifice”, live Woodstock version, by Santana.
  90. Height: 5’10”
  91. Weight: 185
  92. Sign: Gemini
  93. Callsign: Viper
  94. Cosine: don’t ask me. I got a C in high school algebra and did not take a single math class in college.
  95. Dream job: writing for Surfer magazine.
  96. Things I hope to accomplish this year: buy a house, buy a new car, start my novel, surf more, improve my daddy and husbanding skills.
  97. Things I hope to have under my belt in five years: a career change, financial independence, a return trip to Alaska, at least one of the countries on my travel list, that boat, another kid.
  98. Things I hope to have under my belt in ten years: Beth and I living in a beach house on some island somewhere, the kids speaking fluent Polynesian.
  99. What I’d like done with my remains after I die: Please dress me up in a Superman outfit, and throw my body off the roof of a downtown skyscraper. I would pass into urban legend…
  100. SPOILER: Rosebud was Kane's sled.

Any questions?

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I Declare Thursday to be "Lost Talkback Day"

I made one of my rare "I Am The Man of The House - So Let It Be Written, So Let It Be Done" IM statements to Beth a few minutes ago; that we WILL buy the "Lost: Season 1" DVD set when it is released this summer, because I'm obsessed with the show and realize that the show's devil is literally in the details.

Example: Locke worked for one of Hurley's companies. Coincidence? And don't get me started with the lottery numbers. (Add 'em, but leave out the last one, 42. You'll get 66. Then add 4+2. 6. Then put 'em together. 66.6. 666.)

People, gimme your thoughts on the Best. Show. Ever.

I'M RICH!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! Read this email I got today!

Swift Code:BPH KPL PK,
A/C#: 3000-4407-711237

Direct line: 234-1-4343729
Fax line :234-1-7598550


I apologize on behalf of the federal government of Nigeria
the senate committee on contract and foreign debt
reconciliation and payment for not releasing your overdue
contract funds.

From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment
with the federal government of Nigeria your name and
company was discovered as next on the list of the
outstanding contractors who have not received their

I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed
and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this
letter. Also note that from my record in my file your
outstanding contract payment is us $45.5 million dollars
(fourty five million five hundred thousand united states
dollars). Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with
you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the

1) Your Full Name.
2) Phone, Fax And Mobile #.
3) Company Name, Position And Address.
4) Profession, Age And Marital Status.
5) Copy Of Int?l Passport.

As soon as this information?s are received, your payment
will be made to you in a certified bank draft or wired to
your bank account directly from central bank of Nigeria and
a copy will be given to you for you to take to your bank
and confirm it. You must call me on my direct number as
soon as you receive this letter For a serious discussion
with me and also get back to me on this

Executive Governor,
Central Bank Of Nigeria."

Ya know, I don't recall working on a $45.5 million contract for Nigeria, but why would PROF CHARLE SOLUDO lie? After all, he's the Executive Governer of the Central Bank of Nigeria!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Today is Lucas' birthday! One year old! He survived a whole year (FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON, KAWASAKI DISEASE! MY KID KICKED YOUR ASS!) So did we! Holy crap!

Bittersweet thought: he's no longer a baby. He's now a toddler. A little boy.

Happy thought: By my estimate, he's one-fifth of the way to getting on a surfboard!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


March 1 is a significant day. It's the day that, according to the chats I had with my predecessor (the guy who recruited me) and my boss, I was supposed to convert to a full-time regular employee, with all the benefits that go along with it. (The job as offered was a contract-to-hire position).

Well, guess what didn't happen.

The old saying, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me", certainly applies here. This is EXACTLY why I left General Atomics. This is EXACTLY why I'm now looking at Monster, CareerBuilder, et. al. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY CORPORATE AMERICA CAN KISS MY LILY WHITE ASS.

The thing is, if I left right now, my boss would be screwed. We have 80 open positions, for starters. It took me two months to get up to speed, learn the procedures and paperwork, get to know the hiring managers, all the stuff that goes along with this job. Furthermore, another one of our 4 person HR team is sick of her job and is planning on leaving any day now; she's an HR administrator, meaning that she handles ALL of one of the division's paperwork - benefits, Worker's Comp, offer letters, resignations, everything. She's been in her position for 6 years. That makes her tough to replace.

So I have a considerable amount of leverage. Question is, what do I with it? If I go in demanding that I be converted to full-time or I'm going to "start looking", all she has to do is give me the boot. If I don't say anything, or pussyfoot around, I'm stuck in limbo for God knows how long.

THIS is why I need to get off my ass, write my novel, get it published, and become hugely successful.